Leaving that place of pain and sadness by focusing on the big picture of our lives

by Carmen Engel
(Norfolk, VA USA)

I lost my eleven year old chocolate lab Lulu last week. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma a month ago. When we first found out he was sick, we were told that he had three to four months to live. Unfortunately, we had only one month with him. Even though I am able to apply reason, and I truly believe that it was his time to go, that his soul had the exact amount of time he needed here to complete one step further in his evolution, and that his soul is in a better place now, the pain was excruciating in my heart.

My husband and I have been really sad and depressed for the last few days. I woke up this morning and all I wanted to do was crawl back into my bed. I have not felt this way since I lost my dad many years ago. I knew right there that I could not let this feeling be part of me any longer, but when you are feeling so down, it feels like your are stuck in a place of pain and that there is nothing you can do to ease that feeling.

I know better so I pushed myself and went for a walk listening my meditaion "Walking with the Light". As I was walking and thinking about Lulu, I started to think about things I should have done to make to make his life better. Could I have given him a better diet and maybe he would not have developed that cancer? Maybe I should not have worked so hard and spent more time with him. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken that trip out the country where I could not take him with me. My mind went on and on...

As I was walking and crying, I tried very hard to let go and just breathe in light to get me out of that place but I was struggling to keep my focus on the light. After breathing in light from my source (God) for about fifteen minutes, a feeling of peace finally came to me and following that, a clear thought popped into my mind.

I told myself, I may have made some mistakes with Lulu in the past, but now I am a much better doggy mom. I can look back and honestly tell myself that I am a good mom to Urso, the black lab that came to us five years ago. I can go even further I say that I am a perfect mom to Toto, a little Chihuahua that came to us three years ago.

Coming to this realization makes me feel so much better, especially when it was translated to a much bigger scale; my whole life on this planet.

I am much better person than I was twenty years ago, much better than five years ago, much better than a year ago and even better today than yesterday. As long as I keep trying and making little everyday changes in my life, in my thoughts, and in my emotions, I am growing and I am happy about that.

Our life on this planet is nothing else but to get one step further in our evolution process, a process of growing every day, and a process of becoming a better person every waking day. It is a minuscule and gigantic task at the same time. It is minuscule in the sense that it takes us to change just one little thought or feeling, and just by doing that, we bring ourselves one step closer to perfection. But when it is looked at as a whole, to achieve perfection becomes a gigantic, if not impossible task transcending our comprehension. We are trying to make ourselves better and to make the planet earth better. For this to happen, nothing is more helpful than having a good self image, to live free of guilty and to have the intention of growing everyday a little more than yesterday. We have to be more forgiving today than we were yesterday. We have to be more compassionate, more understanding and less judgmental today than last month. We have to be more lovable, more considerate with others and with our own nature today, more so than a year ago, but most importantly, we have to be able to recognize our growth and our progress. This way, even when you look back and realize that you made some mistakes, you can dribble the guilt out and say to yourself, “I am growing, I am a much better person than I was two days ago, I am a much better person than I was five years ago.”

Walking through life with a good self image and without guilt is the key for our fast growth which is also the key to our happiness. As William Makepeace Thackeray said, “The world is a looking- glass, and gives back to every man the reflection of his own face.” So make today a better day, breathe light in from your source God/Jesus/your guide/all that is, enlighten your heart, enlighten you mind and emotions and let your light from within shine so that your reflection not only makes you a better person but also enhances the whole planet making life better for all of us.

The sadness of losing Lulu is still with me and probably is going to take awhile until it’s completely gone, but breathing in light truly allowed me to see reality with the eyes of my soul. Facing pain and loss from a place of love and peace makes all the difference. We all learn a lot from our pets, but I did not expect to get a lesson from Lulu even after his passing. Lulu was a very special soul. Thank you Lulu for making our lives so happy.